Dear Brian
Some advice for Mr. Lewis:
Lose the ego. 100 hits a day doesn’t make you important. And “when a person is at the top”? Time for a reality check, buddy.
Lose the thesaurus. Aphorism? Base? Balderdash? Are we playing Scrabble here?
Find a dictionary. Although the Cangemi pic is hilarious, “vomit” only has one “m.”
Finally, although this is a well crafted piece of prose – “spurting balderdash and hoping people pay attention” – I think it applies to Brian more than it applies to me.
Let me skim the rest of Lewis’ article for a minute to see if there was anything else worth mentioning …
Nope! Okay, that’s all the time I have for this edition. I’ve got to go read about Eddie Vedder’s political action committee.
Why does Brian Lewis’ Trivia Contest Suck So Much?
Why does Brian Lewis’ Trivia Contest Suck So Much?
or, Ten Things You Never Knew You Knew
1. Steve Smith always wins. It’s true. Smiz logs more Internet hours than anyone, with the possible exception of Brian Lewis. Can I license Preparation H to these guys? It’s ridiculous.
2. It’s a bunch of crap that Lewis knows. I mean, how frustrating is it to read these questions? I already know that Lewis knows all this shit, yet I continue to torture myself.
3. Sam Prezioso is a virtual lock for second place. You’re always told to “go for the gold,” but with Smiz and Google we all know that that’s impossible. But with Prez Sr. in the running, even First Runner Up is out of the question. How do they do it? And why doesn’t James Richardson give them a run for their money?
4. It gives Brian one more reason to spend countless hours in front of his computer. He’s an IT major, so most of his homework already forces him to spend hours a day on the PC. I should know. This quarter, ALL of my homework is done on the computer. It sucks. I’m practically going crazy. I don’t know how Brian can stand it.
5. Brian can’t use IM when he’s got that damn away message up. Poor guy. You know he wants to IM all his “Buddies.” Instead, he just sits in front of his monitor, anxiously waiting for an IM like, “Willy Tanner” or “Pete Best, George Harrison, Dopty Vertez, Paul McCartney, Stuart Sutcliff.” I doubt Lewis gets as much joy from anything as he does from editing the HTML of the “Answers and Leaderboard” page.
6. It gives Brian a false sense of importance. I don’t really need to elaborate on this one.
7. Brian’s grades suffer because of all the time he spends on this shit. Brian is barely making it through all his classes. I actually have to scold him from time to time for slacking on his schoolwork. I mean, look at me. There’s no way I’d be on Dean’s List every quarter if I updated Historical Context every day. I just couldn’t juggle it all.
8. Brian makes up the answers. It’s true. Do you think he researches this stuff before he writes the questions? Nope. Hell, sometimes the questions don’t have a valid answer at all.
9. It’s a waste of time. You probably already thought of this one.
10. It’s not as good as Historical Context. Natch.
Shout Out
Sup Nick Battaglia?
Ponder With Me
And how the F is it May already?
I’m Open to Suggestions
I’m hungry. Should I eat a hot dog or some Oreos?
We Have More Fun
My name is … My name is … My name is … chigga chigga DAN PREMO! Yes, I bleached my hair. It’s actually got a little more color than I wanted. I guess next time I’ll go for more of a platinum look. And those pictures that Morash took and are now posted at Lewis’ site are really bad — they make my hair look orange. Plus, I had just gotten out of the shower to rinse all the bleach out, so it was unstyled. In person, it looks much better. Additionally, I want to make it clear that I did not bleach my hair just to be like Eminem. In fact, I would say that his popularity is probably as low as it’s been since he got big. Nate Creech almost got me to bleach my hair freshman year, but I backed out. This time, I bought a kit made by Clairol that came with everything I needed including a pair of rubber gloves … It was so easy, I couldn’t resist. As if the deal weren’t already sweet enough, when I get a haircut in a few weeks, the only remaining blonde hair will be on the top of my head, so it will look like highlights. So Lewis can F-off. Oh, I almost forgot to mention — Eminem is coming out with a new album in April – The Eminem Show.
Missed Class
Lewis and Morash just gave me shit for like an hour. So what if I missed class? I was going to go, but I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was trying … I pounded coffee all day today. Like I said, I don’t think coffee works with my system anymore.
The Test
The test wasn’t bad at all. Our prof made half the class change seats before we started the test, and I ended up sitting next to the only hot girl in the class. I’ll take that.
Fun Day
Today I’ve got a test at noon in OS Scripting and a paper due for Writing for Interactive Digital Media at 6. WTF? I hate school. I got up at 8 am today. Not as early as yesterday, but still pretty early. Surprisingly, I’m not really too tired. Surprising because yesterday was Eric’s birthday, and the festivities lasted pretty late into the night. I am still a little drowsy, so I brewed up a pot of coffee. I’m just about done with my second cup. After I finish the coffee I’ll pick up where I left off making a one page teacher endorsed cheat sheet for the test. Then, after the test, I’ve got to come back and work on that damn paper. I hate school.