Super Bowl Report Card

Super Bowl Report Card.
For some categories I’m going to give a letter grade, for some categories I’m going to declare a winner, and … if there’s anything that doesn’t cover, I’ll explain when I get there.

First, the winning team – the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Although the defense let Oakland get close at the end, the Raiders were always several scores away. It never got close, and it was never really even exciting. Tampa Bay’s offense also delivered more than it promised. After Brad Johnson threw a pick on their first possession, he never panicked, and he never looked back.
Bucs’ grade: A

Next, the losing team – the Oakland Raiders. Two words: Five interceptions. In most football games, the team that wins the turnover battle wins the game. That trend continued in Super Bowl XXXVII. Oakland’s defense never impressed, and its NFL ranked #1 offense never generated anything until the game was out of reach. The Raiders scored 21 points, but their only real bright spot was the punt block and touchdown return.
Raiders’ grade: C

Now, Halftime entertainment. First, Shania Twain. From what I could tell, her songs were lip synched. She didn’t look like she was singing, and when her guitarists threw their guitars into the crowd — while the guitar music was still playing — that confirmed it. Also hurting Shania’s grade: She’s a native Canadian, and she moved to Europe.
Shania’s grade: D (Should have been an F, but she’s hot.)

No Doubt. I’ve never been a big No Doubt fan, but they played “Just a Girl,” which is … maybe their biggest song ever. (Brown could correct or confirm me on this.) Their recent music hasn’t been … as good. It hasn’t really been good at all. So what do they do at the Superbowl? They play their best song. Nice move. Gwen Stefani sounded very flat, and a little old, so that didn’t help. But, when I saw that Sting’s band was still No Doubt, I was impressed. When Gwen came out and sang with him, I was very impressed.
No Doubt’s grade: B-

Sting. I’m kind of a Sting fan, which is odd, because I only own one Sting album. Okay, two – but one is his best of album. I like the fact that he teamed up with No Doubt, and I like the fact that he sang “Message in a Bottle.” He’s had some relatively popular songs lately, but I’m not sure he ever had a hit quite as big as some The Police had. Finally, good song choice. He didn’t perform anything inappropriate for the Superbowl, and “Message in a Bottle” seems like it’s not too popluar, but popular enough to be recognized and enjoyed.
Sting’s grade: A

The Commercials. Apparently something like 40% of Superbowl viewers watch not for the game, but for the commercials. These people deserve to be hit over the head with a tack hammer. Anyway. I thought some of the commercials were good, but none were laugh-out-loud funny. I also thought that there were a lot of commercials with prime first half slots that had already aired in the past week or even earlier. One that comes to mind is the “Jordan vs. Jordan” Gatorade commercial. This is a recent trend, and it’s kind of disappointing. Still, I think I watch every year more and more for the game and less and less for the commercials. I’m just not sure I’m in the majority on that one. I also didn’t notice (or can’t remember) any commercials that used complex computer special effects. It’s a relief. Remember the Pepsi commercial from a few years back in which the kid at the beach sucks so hard on the straw in his Pepsi bottle that he sucks himself into the bottle? I thought it was a little much. (This leads me to another question — and possibly another post topic: Ten or twenty years from now, will we look back at film and television and commercials from the 1990s and 2000s and think that computer graphics were overdone?) I did like a few commercials, and I’ll get to them. Overall, I think they did not live up to the best commercial years, which may have coincided with the Bills Superbowls.
Commercials’ grade: C+

Special Award for Merit: Given to ABC Sports for replacing Eric Dickerson with Lynn Swann. Did they switch back to Lynn during this season of Monday Night Football without me noticing? Was Swann there this whole year? Either way, it was a mistake getting rid of Swanny and it was the right move bringing him back.

Best Commercial. This was tough for me. It boiled down to two spots that stood head and shoulders above the rest. My top two commercials were the Matrix Reloaded/Matrix Revolutions commercial (I still fully expect Matrix Revolutions to get pushed back to 2004 after Matrix Reloaded makes a ton of money) and the Reebok commercial featuring Terry Tate, the office worker who acts like a linebacker. It was tought. The Terry Tate ad was the only commercial that I noted based on its own merits. I paid attention to the Matrix commercial because it’s the Matrix and well, M47R1X R0XXORZ!!! The Reebok ad was funny; the Matrix ad was compelling. The Reebok ad was new; the Matrix ad spotlighted new chapters to an existing, but popular, story. So who gets the Iverson Bobblehead?
Best Commercial: Reebok, “Terry Tate”

Finally, I’ve got to rip on Bon Jovi. First, why the hell is there “postgame entertainment”? WTF? Just hand out the trophy, name the MVP, and let’s get to Jennifer Garner in skimpy lingerie! But no, we’ve got to listen to Jon Bon Jovi sing the same song he’s been singing since the Devils won the Stanley Cup almost three years ago. New Jersey sucks! Get over it.

Finally part II. Alias. Yeah, I watched. I wanted to see Jennifer Garner in skimpy outfits. It looks like next week she’s gonna be in a bikini. I’m only human.

PS – I didn’t talk about the music industry like I said I would. I think I’ll add a To Do list. If it’s no good, I’ll get rid of it.

PPS – The Don Cheadle “Playoffs” commercials suck. “They made Joe … Joe.” “They made roman numerals … Roman Numerals.” Don – you were good on Picket Fences, but … get off my TV screen.

Super Bowl Report Card

Little Bit o’ Everything

Finally got the Wizards pics up. Yes, those are the Wizards dancers. If I remember correctly, they were wearing blue and white earlier in the game, but came back later wearing black and gold. I think they even changed a second time, into a third outfit that was again black and gold. Go figure.

Not much else to report lately. El Niño is making everything cold. At least El Niño is partially responsible. There’s also the dip of the Arctic air. It comes down every winter, just usually not this far south and this cold.

Soft Batch chocolate chip cookies. Remember when Chewy Chips Ahoy were new? I thought they would be so great — then I tried them. They sucked. I stayed away from soft style store bought chocolate chip cookies from then on. Then during college (note that for me, college is in the past tense), Dan Brown had a bag of Keebler Soft Batch. I assumed, naturally, that they would be no better than Chewy Chips Ahoy. To my delight, I was mistaken. I nearly finished the bag, but Brown pried it away from me. So that brings us up to about three weeks ago. I’m walking through the grocery store, and I didn’t feel like Oreos or standard blue bag Chips Ahoy. So I figured, how about Chewy Chips Ahoy? I’ll bet they’re pretty much the same as Soft Batch. Maybe my tastes weren’t as defined the last time I tried them. Maybe there were drastic improvements in soft stlye cookies over the last decade.

I was wrong. Chewy Chips Ahoy are as bad as ever. I want to say that they contain gelatin. It’s really quite revolting. I couldn’t finish the bag. So the next time I was at the store I cautiously purchased a bag of Soft Batch. Although they didn’t seem as good as the time I first tried them courtesy Dan Brown, they were pretty damn good. I definitely sense a similarity between Chewy Chips Ahoy and Soft Batch, but … Soft Batch is better. Chewy Chips Ahoy are not tolerable. Soft Batch are more than acceptable.

Alright. Drastic change in topic. Social Security Cards. I carry mine. I hate to do it, but sometimes – like when you least expect it – you need it. Like at the DMV. I mean, do you really want to wait in line for eighty minutes just to be told that you’ve got to come back when you’ve got your Social Security Card? And at a recent temp job orientation I had to hand it over with my driver’s license so that both could be photocopied. Granted, it was a government contractor, but … The way the Social Security number is used in this country is ludicrous. All you hear is, “Don’t give it to anybody. For any reason. Ever.

Bullshit. When I got my cellphone at Radio Shack I had to speack to a Sprint representative on the in-store phone. I had to tell the person on the other end of the line my Social Security number. Meanwhile, any of the seven other people within arm’s reach could just jot it down. Make a credit card purchase over the phone? Better hope the friendly voice makes enough at his or her part time, minimum wage job. Next thing you know, some fifty year old bald guy puts his $10,000 trip to Aruba on your bill. This system stinks! For one thing, the original purpose of the number – retirement benefits for everyone – now amounts to chicken feed, and will likely be dried up by the time people our age retire. So now it’s more of a personal security number. Only problem is, it’s not very secure, and it’s certainly not private.

The solution? Probably bio-identification. Thumbprint scanners and retinal scanners. Maybe even voice recognition. We can send a credit card number over a phone line. Why not a high resolution image of a retina over the Internet? They ran out of phone numbers because of credit card scanners, but IPv6 should mean that we’ll have enough IP addresses to last forever, right? Right?

I think next time I’ll talk about how the record industry is F’ed. Have I talked about that lately? How about I discuss the different industries that have changed drastically or will change drastically because of advances in technology. I’ll start with photography. I’ll include telephony and music. Movies will get thrown in there. Stay tuned.

Little Bit o’ Everything